and how not to lose your mind while you’re at it

But first: Can we please talk about this boredom trend?! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read this NYT article (linked through archive today) that Aja Barber shared on her Patreon; highly recommend signing up, by the way.

Boredom, a trend

Well, I find the boredom trend exceptionally boring. It’s like Gen Z found a time capsule by the rest of the world and decided to enter it through a portal. BACK IN MY DAY (insert grain of salt) we were bored ALL. THE. TIME. And of course it was a good thing, even though it didn’t always feel that way. At the same time, there was no alternative. Unless you liked people. Then you went out and played with them. But being undiagnosed autistic, I was the weird kid and stayed home instead.

My attention span was great, despite undiagnosed ADHD, and my special interests got all the attention they needed. At some point, that would also involve a computer and the internet. But even after seven or ten hour sessions, that thing was switched off and it was back to “analogue” activities and the “real life”, often several days in a row. Even all the way up to 2015, I used the internet with a purpose and then shut down the laptop. Or put the phone away, because of course it was there. It just hadn’t taken centre stage yet; at least not for me, not permanently. Am I a unicorn? Or just a product of a youth mostly without access to digital and social media?

Digital detox, analogue boredom

Oh and can I just say how even in 2010, I was already talking online about digital detoxes, so PLEASE SPARE ME the “new” and “trending” topic that is detoxing from the digital life. Just fucking do it. Go on your retreats and lock your phones away, by all means, but please don’t tell me you’re reinventing the wheel. We’ve been around this block a few times; maybe your attention span is just too small to remember…

That may be unfair, as you may have grown up with a phone or tablet in your hand or you have become so engrossed in all of it that now it is hard to let go again. I get it. Not for nothing do I spend the last week and the first two weeks of each year “offline”. I put that in quotation marks because it just means that my phone is switched off. I still have access to the internet through my laptop, will take part in some online group activities and have my mind swirling in creation mode so much that I’m sitting here writing these words and others. The less phone time I have, the more I want to create and that usually means to write.

So what is it you do in your offline time then?

Apart from writing and “cheating” on my offline time with some online activities, I often do nothing. Wild concept, I know. Sometimes it is literally sitting there, cup of tea or coffee in hand, staring at the wall. Bliss. Or out of the window. More often than not, though, doing nothing involves doing nothing “of value”, nothing productive.

It means reading, journaling, witchcraft, going for walks and playing the occasional round of Mario Kart. It means colouring, hanging up some pictures (careful, productivity!) and sleeping. It means doing all the things I always want to do but “have no time” for. No time my arse. If I have time to scroll for hours or spend several hours playing a game on my phone, I have time to do these things. I just tend to forget, because being on my phone and checking the same three apps over and over feels like a compulsion, an addiction.

This is why I started these few weeks away from it all in the first place. And the plan always was (but hasn’t always materialised) to be offline on Mondays and have one offline week per month, too. I want to do all the things I love again. Some of which aren’t possible right now because of disabilities and illnesses, but a lot of them are just waiting for me to give them attention again. So that’s what I’m doing.

Reading

I used to be engulfed in my books. I’d go on book trips, readings to meet my favourite authors and get an autograph, do whole weekends of reading marathons and spend nights at bookshops for reading nights. I have done none of these things in the past few years. Heck, I haven’t even read regularly. Looking at my StoryGraph statistics, I haven’t really made it past 15 books per year for way too long. If that’s a lot for you, that’s great, please don’t think you need to change that. But for me? One book per week, PLEASE, as the bare minimum. That’s what I want to get back to.

Starting and barely ever finishing books in the past few years, though, gave me the idea my attention span was royally fucked and I would never get back to one of my favourite hobbies – and ways to learn! – again. Well, who would have thought putting my phone away and staying away from screens as much as I can would do the trick. There IS an element of skill regression from unmasking my ADHD, but showing up in this way the past few years and especially this year has proven that I still can read for hours on end and enjoy it.

Journaling

I’ve been religiously doing morning pages since 2019 despite not reading The Artist’s Way until years later. Don’t recommend that book either, because it is so steeped in privilege, fatphobia and religion that it makes me want to vomit when I just think about it. Anyway, someone had mentioned this habit at an event and I thought it was right up my street. Since I was VERY young, I had been a journaling girlie, so this was and is a way to continue that. If I don’t journal one day – offline or not – my day is over. I might as well go back to bed. It is the number one tool in my mental health toolbox; let me know if you want me to write about that one day.

What I also love about journaling is that it keeps both your critical thinking and your handwriting intact. If you choose to write on paper anyway. There is just something about my pen touching some good paper; the gliding motion, the cushiony feeling… It’s a whole body experience and it’s incredibly grounding.

Witchcraft

Journaling is also part of my witchcraft practice. I can’t recall a Witch Circle I’ve hosted that didn’t come with at least one journal prompt. Being away from screens, though, really brings me back into my body and my direct environment. My altar becomes an important space again. Somewhere my gaze rests on and that I can use for rituals.

I do a lot of rituals with and for others when I hold space during my own or other people’s events. As much joy as that brings me, it also doesn’t leave a whole lot of energy to do my own workings. So this year, I’m making sure I’m coming back to it. I’ve even repainted and sealed the paint on my altar to show how much I mean it. My first act was a full moon ritual for the Full Moon in Cancer on the 3rd of January. WOW. I had truly forgotten the cathartic nature of burning a piece of paper with your handwriting to let some shit go.

I know I talk about it a lot and I know it, cognitively. But it’s a different thing actually practising and experiencing it again. I’ve even created a Sigil (on sigilengine.com) for my hopefully imminent hysterectomy this year. There is SO MUCH MORE on my witchy agenda this year, but just working with the moon again feels life changing. Oh and don’t dismiss the catharsis that comes with decluttering things and throwing away bits that carry the energy of people you have let go. It’s a bit like shedding skin. Is this how snakes feel? Woah.

Going for walks

Now, this is not a regular occurrence for me since my mobility is often close to zero these days. I am determined to work on that, but there is only so much you can do when you’re disabled and I try not to be an ableist cunt to myself. There still are things I can do, though. So whenever I do have the spoons, I will take the shortest walk in human history around my neighbourhood.

The magic in these for me is twofold: Yep, it actually does have an effect on my mental health and I’m mad about it. 😀 It doesn’t cure depression or anxiety, but it absolutely helps both. The other plus for me is the connection to the seasons. It’s one thing observing them from inside, putting the heating or the fan on depending on how the outside temperature affects my home. It’s quite another being able to say hi to plants and trees, be in communion with them and watch them change throughout the year. Add animals into that and the bliss feels almost unbearable.

Colouring

Granted, I haven’t actually done this in years. But just like crocheting, it’s something I want to get back to; mainly for its meditative nature and because I like the end result. I’m no artist in that way (though I would scold everyone saying that about themselves…), but the positive effects are endless. I enjoy playing around with different colours, seeing what they do when they are next to each other or when I mix them. Being who I am, I have some sweary colouring books and colouring those words in makes my heart sing. There is one that is VERY British and let’s just say the Brits know how to insult people. It’s a delight.

DIY

Here comes the productivity trap! Finally receiving all the financial support I’m entitled to as a disabled person, though, gave me a boost to go for it again. One of my first purchases – it may have been THE first purchase – was a drill. The slightly more modern version of the one my grandpa had. The joy and delight I felt when I used it for the smallest task for the first time were unmatched. Doing handywork around the house brings back memories and gives me a feeling of accomplishment that I could never find elsewhere. Changing lives is cool and all, but have you ever changed a SPACE?!

So a lot of that backpay that came with the successful fight for support went into the house that I don’t own and pay too much rent for. I do want to live here for some more years, though, so I want it to really feel like my home. Especially after living here in destitution and poverty. Money can’t buy happiness and all that but it sure can make your life livable and even enjoyable.

Whenever I have the energy, I try and do a small thing around the house. And this year, by the time I turn 40 – which is in ten days, I am finishing it off. Half the living room needs painting and repainting. Then the actual decorating can begin. Putting the TV up will be a delight because the drill comes back out. Taking apart some drawers and turning them into shelves around the house will feel like I’ve won the lottery. At the end, the framed artwork will go up. Mostly prints, but there are some smaller originals from Love Hannington from her Little Loves collection. You have NO IDEA how long I’ve been waiting to put them all up.

I could go on forever, but offline time really gives me the headspace – and physical energy! – to do things around the house. When I don’t have the energy, I sit here and visualise what it should look like or find a solution in my mind on how to go about a certain problem.

Sleeping

This may be obvious, but one thing to do when you’re offline is sleeping. Generally, I have always been a night owl. My energy peaks after the usual 9-5, during which I’m usually useless for anything that capitalism deems useful. However, I do enjoy having mornings and especially daylight. So when I turned almost completely nocturnal (again!), I knew something had to change. I decided I would use my offline time to reset my sleep-wake cycle and wouldn’t you know it – it works.

I’m still not 100% there yet, especially if I have a rare early morning appointment keeping me awake the night before. But I’m very happy with the progress I’m making and I’m determined to leave all screens out of my bedroom (apart from the LCD of the alarm clock) from now on. The only exception I’ll make is when I feel too sick to go past the bathroom. In those cases, my phone may be a lifeline to get food or call someone for help. Thankfully, I haven’t been THAT sick in a good while. Fingers crossed it stays that way.

Another thing to do is also catching up on sleep, having naps or just resting in other ways. I know it’s hard and feels so unnatural with our capitalistic conditioning. But WOW is it worth breaking through that fucking barrier.

But I cannot be offline!!!

And you don’t have to be. This post is not about shaming anyone or trying to make you jealous or telling you this is the only way to reset your attention span or your life. There are many circumstances that don’t allow for offline time. Our lives have become so digitalised that it is extremely hard to unplug. In fact, I have to prepare rigorously to make it happen. Move money around, schedule payments, make sure two factor authentication for things like food deliveries are switched off, have everything else ordered that needs banking app verification, tell people I’ll be offline and how to reach me in actual emergencies. Finding alternatives to social media to get all the news that isn’t whitewashed is no mean feat either.

This post was more for ideas should you ever want to try some time offline, no matter how long it is. It’s also for me to share with the world because that’s how I like to process things and relate to people. So, if you can relate and have done similar with varying results, talk to me in the comments.