Soul Purpose and Life Path Astrology is my favourite thing to explore
As an Aquarius, I love humanity and hate people. Despise them. Truly. I know if you know me you’ll describe me as kind and caring and loving. I am. #CancerRising But I’m also very much opposed to constantly BE with people. I just can’t.
Needless to say that having my Sun and Venus (in Aquarius!) in my 7th house of committed relationships is… infuriating. I don’t want it. Find me a school of astrology that makes it different. (I could go for whole house astrology and problem solved, but I don’t like it, so I won’t.) My 7th house is ruled by Capricorn, so there’s some solace in that. Both make me quite the detached person and particularly awkward around new people.
What also infuriates me is that my North Node is in my 11th house. WHY, Universe, WHYYYYY??? That’s the house of communities, network, the collective. Ugh. More people. I haaaaate it!!! *StompsFeet* What is the North Node all about? Your purpose, your life path, your growth, your lessons in life. No, thank you. I’d rather be in creative struggle town with my Scorpio South Node. That is also a lie, but that at least feels familiar. WHY does the Universe want me to be with people so badly when all I want to be is ALOOOONE?! FFS.
I’m always making friends
Animals flock to me. We’re always immediately friends and THAT I can get on board with. All they need is some food and water and they’re good to go. In the wild anyways. Spot also needs walks and playtime and cuddles with me. Zero complaints. All very much wanted and needed for my wellbeing.
The fox in the first picture (image descriptions in alt text by the way) started following me around when I was walking Spot at night. So much so I named them Moxie. So, everyone: Please meet Moxie. Now they haven’t been in a whole while and I think that’s because of babies. I have seen some fox babies for the first time in my life (I was so excited I had to voicenote SEVERAL people) recently and I guess it’s been the season. (I’ve researched it, it was indeed the season.) I expect them back. In fact, I have seen a fox that was semi friendly the other night, but I don’t actually think it was Moxie. Also because they didn’t take to the food I left outside. Spot had to eat it the next morning. He was SO upset. #Sarcasm
That little snail? Just parked up on the path leading to my front door. In the fucking HEAT! And it was still there when I came back from the dog walk. What do we do? We look up how to best give water to a snail and get on it. All you have to do is make sure the water isn’t deep enough to make the snail drown, if you ever find yourself in a similar predicament. Apparently, snails like to also take a bath in their water. Well, go for it! And go for it they did! For a snail, they basically JUMPED into the water. So I made the right decision. Very happy about that. I didn’t name them because after a day of chilling by the water (and surviving a thunderstorm) as well as a snack in form of a bit of spinach I left them, they fucked off. I’d like to think we’re still friends but equally I would not know them from other snails were I to see them again. So there’s that. What also happened last night was a slug (or naked snail, as we like to call them in German…) making its way up my front door. Uhm. Did the snail tell their friends? Who knows.
I have many more stories of animals making friends with me or seeking help from me. Birds flying into the house, for example. But you get the gist. As long as it’s not a spider, a mosquito or a fly, I’m game for making friends like that. Animals are so much better company than humans. I stand by it. Fight me.
What the fuck is going on?!
If you’ve made it this far, you’re probably wondering: What the fuck does this all have to do with the Nodes and life’s purpose and HUH??? I get it. Let’s dig in.
At the beginning of each calendar year, I choose a word of the year. I feel into it for a few months and then settle once the astrological year comes around at the end of March. This year, my word is build. On the whiteboard above, you can see the things I want to build. A lot of these things/feelings I already incorporate. But I wanted a comprehensive picture of the foundation I want to have in my life, so I put it all on there. Three words stand out when it comes to people-ing: Connection, community and friendships.
One thing I’ve always been is a good friend. In fact, I am an EXCELLENT friend. I am fiercely loyal and I will love you aggressively from the start. I am in your corner and will cheer you on as much as I’ll commiserate with you. I’m the whole fucking package. As much as I generally hate people, I adore my friends. I would literally go through hell for them if I had to.
For a long time, though, I didn’t have boundaries. That led to some TOXIC situations and friendships. In both directions. The friendship that ended last year had been weird for a while. In hindsight, they were very manipulative and I didn’t see it until I experienced emotional abuse in a situation I couldn’t escape easily in 2020. But then it became crystal clear. It also became crystal clear that they could no longer reach me with their vitriol. I wouldn’t listen and I would set – and enforce – clear boundaries. In the end, they literally ended the friendship because I would remind them they’re overstepping my boundaries almost every time we met/talked. Well, if you can only be my “friend” if you disrespect me… Good riddance. Of course it still hurt to let go of about eight years of friendship and we had a lot of fun together, too. But mostly, I served a purpose for them and I didn’t see it during all those years.
Anyway, one of the main reasons I had been holding on to that frienship for so long, when it had been clear to me for a while that it wasn’t good for me, was that they were pretty much my only friend left in London. (That’s a SHIT reason by the way!) There were – and still are – former colleagues that had become friends and that I still love dearly. But we kind of lost touch and I haven’t had the capacity over the past few years to do anything about it. It’s been a lot. If you’re one of these people reading this, please get in touch, I still love you. Let’s meet up some time, but be prepared it may take a while because my energy lately is close to zero.
Creating space
You may or may not know that I strongly believe in energy. We all have a certain energy, we bring different energy to different situations and people and once we get rid of some stagnant or negative energy, we create space for something new. Oh, did that breakup create some space!
Ever since, I have made a whole handful of new friends! People I have talked to for a while online and then met up with or people I just immediately vibed with and then fiercely loved. Both the ones that grew first and then became the biggest hug in history and the ones that came with a BANG and are growing now bring just what I need in my life. The “old” friends that are still in my circle know and respect my boundaries and don’t get (too 😅) upset when I set new ones. The new friends rarely need any boundaries mentioning because they just fucking get it. Delightful.
The love and support and compassion and kindness I’ve been showered with since January is unmatched in my life. I have never felt more supported and heard and seen and understood.
Then there’s my work as well, which is mostly on hold although I just can’t quite completely stop^^, and the community I’ve built over the past four years has come THROUGH for me. Again, so much love and compassion and support. Down to very practical support in the form of donations because one of my regular payments has been stopped. In a nutshell, the council thinks I could save on food to get by. I wonder if they have considered talking to the likes of Tesco about it… Disgusting. But I digress. I LOVE what I’ve created and how we come together. We show up for each other because we know intuitively that’s what we need. We need connection. We need community.
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But the North Node, Patricia!!! 😩😩😩
Alright, alright, I’m getting there. Let’s have a look at my chart…
I’ve never shared this with anyone, feels very vulnerable somehow. [I have since cropped this, so you’re only seeing the part with my North Node.] You see some numbers in the middle and they depict the houses. It goes from one counterclockwise. If you look at the 11th house, there is some action going on. Uranus has been there for a while and will end its trip through Taurus and begin its trip through Gemini here. I’m used to the chaos by now. Mercury has just fucked off, which is nice, but also was a rather pleasant visit this time.
The important bit, though? My North Node at 5° Taurus. I’ve been going through my Nodal return in the past 17 months and recently, it’s been exact. As of today, with the North Node being at about 3°, we can still speak of a conjunction. Lots of loving up on each other, basically. Then Jupiter is in Taurus for the rest of the year as well and it’s so close to my North Node that it is also practically still conjunct. Jupiter expands, brings good luck and new opportunities. In Taurus usually also some money, some stability.
Put simply, my purpose lies in community. Building it as much as being held and supported by it. And whilst the North Node and Jupiter have been conjunct my natal North Node, my friendships have reached new levels of love and support. The past few weeks alone were out of this world. I cry on a regular basis. BECAUSE AQUARIANS HAVE EMOTIONS, TOO, OKAY?! (not entirely true, I’m mainly #CancerRising and constantly crying for any number of reasons; today it was pure rage if anyone’s wondering) Let’s also not forget that Pluto, the planet (!!!) of transformation and rebirth, has been hanging out in my seventh house for a hot minute (a few years and some to come), which means all my one to one relationships were bound for an upgrade.
Living my chart
These epiphanies happen a lot when you study astrology and live your life with your eyes open (and your mind hyperfocused…). I am actually living out my chart and I have really started trusting people. I am no longer afraid (still highly uncomfortable, though; it’s a journey!) to ask for the help and support I need and want. Why would I be? That’s what community is for. That’s what we need way more of.
Being held feels good. Being supported feels good. Being myself and loved for it feels amazing. Being respected feels good. Being part of something bigger feels good.
So there. That’s what friendships, snails, foxes and my Nodal return have in common. Worth it, right?
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And no, I don’t feel shame asking for money. I have given up on shame and it is liberating. Thinking of the amount of free labour I’ve provided in forms of content and free readings, free coaching to get my name out there and connect and build community, it makes me sad we’ve normalised not paying creators and that I haven’t asked before. At the same time, if you’re in a similar position to me (#Poverty but make it #privileged because I still am in so many ways) and you can’t afford to support me financially, you don’t need to feel any shame or guilt or whatever comes up for you. You’re here, that’s what matters to me. Wanna support? Share my shit. That means the world. And make sure you subscribe, there’s a free option as well and most articles will be free for the time being.