The amount of times I’ve changed platforms and websites and even the type of services I offer in the past three years (woah, almost four!) feels ridiculous. I felt like an imposter, a fraud, a failure for most of it. Who was I to earn money with something that I love and that I’m good at? Surely that shouldn’t be allowed…

Soul crushing systems

What it really was – and is – is that we live in a capitalist, colonialist patriarchal society that constantly tells us that we’re not good enough. That we’re nothing unless we do, do, do. We need to constantly produce and be #productive or else. Add to that being a woman (I’m sure loads of AFAB people can relate, too, having been pressed into the same mould that just wouldn’t fit) and the conditioning that comes with it and “witch” is definitely one of the lesser insults.

These systems tell us that we have to work hard to “earn” a “living”. Well, here’s some news for you: We don’t need to earn a living. We already live and living doesn’t cost a thing. In a capitalist society, however, it is quite expensive to try to live. Heck, surviving feels impossible at times. So, living within this construct of capitalism and needing to obey to it somewhat whilst feeling it is the most unjust thing at the same time and you just want to smash this system…can feel like an impossible task.

Your self worth does not depend on what you earn

From that paradox space, it felt equally impossible to earn money with intangible things like coaching, mentoring and now astrology and other readings. I felt even more like a fraud because, technically, I wasn’t really working hard, so how could I earn any money from this? Turns out that when you forget about what society tells you to believe that you can just go with the flow and actually make money from one of your passions. And why am I able to do that? Because I’ve learnt to be myself and to allow myself to have all the breaks I need. Loads, in fact.

Because throughout these years of trying to build a successful business (we’re getting there!), I’ve also been homeless, abused and quite ill for most of it. It’s been a fucking RIDE, I tell you. As of writing this, I still receive benefits and I’ve just had two months of receiving zero money from my business. It took me way too long to realise that I don’t need to be ashamed for receiving financial support. That I don’t need to feel bad about the breaks I need literally every week because SOMETHING ELSE is going on. If I just stay true to myself, I will get where I need to be. The only way is up. I’ve hit rock bottom so many times, it’s now a nice big cushion where I hang out sometimes when the world gets too heavy.